If only someone had been able to tell me I was thinking like a loser

 
I used to be really into vision boards
and goals.
I had lists
of things that I wanted to have,
of experiences I wanted to do, and
of financial goals I wanted to reach.

I was a high achiever
because I set those goals
and then focussed on
making them a reality.

This process worked.
Sort of.

I loved competition.
I was good at competition,
and I felt great
when I was winning
or doing better than
“the average bear”.

When I reached a goal
I felt a hit of achievement
and a blast of satisfaction.

The trouble was,
when everything was ticked off.
I still ended up wanting more.

The satisfaction came
and went
with each and every victory.

So another list would be created.
And around I would go again.

In hindsight I can now see
the only way
I knew how to feel good
was through
achieving and doing well.

You could say I was an addict.
Not a drug addict,
But an achievement addict.

And although it started off feeling great,
the older I got
the less time each hit lasted for.

Because like all drugs,
I needed more and more as time went on
to get that same euphoric feeling.

And I got tired,
because the energy I had to invest
in order to create the win
was more than
the energy hit I got at the end.

The challenge was
I was totally EXTERNALLY focused.

So I only got to feel good
when things outside of me
were in order or
when I was doing well
compared to others.

That was so much the case that
I literally couldn’t fathom
training hard for a race
if I didn’t think I had a chance
of winning it.

Why would someone bother doing that?
I used to think.
(Seriously)

If only someone had known
to give me the advice
when I was a youngster that
having to win all the time
in order to feel good
is the way losers think.

(It sounds harsh, I know
but I would have needed
the advice to be
blunt and super direct
in order for it to pierce my rigid
winnners/losers belief system).

I now have a different
number one vision.

I still set goals
and have a vision board of sorts
but their importance pales in comparison
to the vision of
who I want to be.

I want to be
open, centered, joyful,
free, flowing, soft,
connected, warm, energised
and so much more.

The list is long.
But it’s so very inspiring.

Because my key vision
is no longer an external one.
It’s totally INTERNAL.

It’s all about me
and who I am being
in each and every moment.

Chasing this new vision is energising.
It gives me regular highs.
And those highs
keep getting better and better.

I don’t need to
compare myself to another
nor beat anyone
in order to create a victory.

I simply need to take
a single step in the right direction
And then I’m winning.

And even if I take a step (or five)
in the wrong direction.
I’m still winning,
if I’m aware of what I’ve done.

The best thing about this vision is
when I’m being the person
I want to be
it’s effortless
to do the things
I need to do
in order to
have the things
I want to have.

And this is true
for all things external
material possessions,
travel and experiences,
and even relationships too.

When I am BEING
who want (and need to) BE.
Then the chances of
getting those external things
is far higher.

And, paradoxically
far less Important.

Because whether the doing and having
comes to pass or not
I still get to enjoy
just being me
every single day.

I hope this lesson of mine
may be useful to you
or someone you know.

With warmth, Nikk

PS. If you are tired of having to win in order to feel good (or you’re needing to get that feeling via drugs) and you want to shift that pattern fast, give us a call on 1300 663 003.  We’re specialists in creating natural euphoria and endless internal sources of energy.

 

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