Are you gridlocked in one or more of your relationships?
One of the most common & debilitating ailments we see in relationships (both professional and personal) is what we call “gridlock”. It’s impact is negative and astronomically high. And, it can affect even the best of relationships over time.
Gridlock is the predicament of reaching the tipping point of conversation topics which are ‘no go zones’.
In the early stages of a new relationship, after we’ve ‘clicked’, we feel light, open & free to talk about almost anything.
Gridlock – free.jpg
However, although it feels like that the reality is a little different: Each of you will have unconscious rules about what, when and with whom you feel comfortable in speaking about certain topics. And then there will be particular topics that will cause you to feel uncomfortable, anxious, agitated, frustrated or even down right angry. It can be anything from discussing the fact that your fingers seem a bit stumpy :-/ to someone mentioning the time you [insert your ‘foot in mouth’ experience here!].
So without being aware of it we each have a minefield around us. And, when we interact with others beyond a superficial level they eventually and inadvertently step on them! BOOM!! is the consequence – the negative feelings explode through us! (Or for some, the cone of silence will descend).
When a relationship is new, accidental transgressions and the resulting seemingly irrational explosions of emotions are tolerated and forgiven by both sides. But as time goes on there’s less tolerance (and often a bigger explosion) because the other person ’should know’ not to go there!
Gradually the lessons are learnt. Unconsciously we decide, and silently we agree to avoid the explosive topics. The problem is the avoidance creates resentment which is like creating more minefields! Until eventually we become gridlocked – stepping left, right, backwards or forwards results in a landline being triggered.
No-go-zones are a dangerously insidious & deadly disease for any relationship. They starts off so subtly but end up totally debilitating the relationship.
Gridlock affects all relationships to a degree.
Luckily, the cure is simple. And it takes just one person to set the cure in action.
For the 3 quick steps, see Blowing up your land mines.