Sometimes it’s hard to do what you know you want to do for yourself.
Think of something that you’d LOVE to be able to do, yet you haven’t been able to make the time available to do it.. for one reason or another.
There can be a whole heap of excuses that get in the way.
- I don’t deserve it yet.
- I haven’t done the hard yards.
- I need to look after my kids (or my partner, my parents or my friends) first.
- It’s not the right thing to do.
- It’ll look bad.
- Someone I respect told me to do it a different way.
- I can’t afford it.
And insert another 1 million excuses as to why you shouldn’t do something that feels good to you.
It’s in the above times that a little bit of healthy leverage can go a long way. And that leverage looks like this.
Think of a child or young person that you care about, and then picture them in the scenario that you are struggling to resolve. If they are close to you, your issue will become an issue for them because they are role modelling off you.
Would you wish them to be making the same decisions and excuses you are?
Would you be happy for your example to become their reality?
If not, it’s time to step up and do the hard yards yourself, if not for yourself, then for them. Improve your future prospects and in turn you’ll be looking after theirs. Be the person that shows them how to claim what they deserve in life.
The best part is, this is a completely selfless way to get what you want.
3 Examples to help you use this tool
In the examples below I’m going to use the term “daughter” but that’s because I have 3 of them. For yourself, be sure to substitute that phrase for the name of the important young person in your life.
If you’ve been accepting behaviour from a friend, colleague or family member that leaves you feeling bad…
Would you want your daughter to accept that? Or would you want her to have the strength to stand up for herself, and tell them that that behaviour is not ok. And if they don’t change and they continue this bad behaviour, would you want her to just shrink back and take it, or would you hope that she corrects them again, reminding them of her boundaries.
If you’ve been passed over for a job promotion…
Would you want your daughter to just accept that she missed out, or would you wish for her the willingness to be open to feedback, so that she could seek to find out the reason for being passed over, so that she would then have a better shot at it next time? Would you want her to have the courage to ask the difficult questions so that she could continue to progress?
If your challenge is that you want to go on a holiday that you feel you can’t afford…
Would you want for your daughter to wallow in the bad feelings of not being able to afford something that she wants, or would you want her to own the situation she’s gotten herself into, so that in turn she can use the pain and frustration of that situation to fuel a drive in her belly to propel her forward? Would you want for her to see mistakes as a chance to learn a lesson (even if it is an expensive one) or would you prefer that she bury her head in the sand and complain about how it’s affected her?
In my case, I had a decision to make. To stay in a good relationship (one that was formed through mutual respect, friendship and love – but not one, that had ever been fuelled with the crazy energy of passion) or to risk that good, solid relationship in pursuit of something more, something that was perhaps even a myth: a relationship that was deeply and all consumingly passionate – one that would light me up and make me want to be the very best version of myself. I could never have made that decision just for myself.
But when I projected forward to what I wanted for my two girls, if it had been one of my daughters in the very same situation, it was easy to own that, as their mother. I knew I would have wanted them to be able to have the courage to take the step that I wanted to take. If it was them, I would have given them a hug and told them to follow their heart. To step forward boldly knowing not that it would work out, but that they would be capable of handling whatever came up. That if their heart wanted it that badly, it was worth chasing. And I would have told them that I’d be there to hug them if they made a mistake and needed a cuddle.
In getting clear on what I wanted for them, I also got clear that if I wanted it for them, then I needed to be able to role model this myself. So I stepped forward into some of the toughest times of my life, feeling strong and certain, as I was looking after not only myself, but after my kids too.
Whatever you want for that special person in your life, work out how to claim it for yourself. In doing so, you become the role model you want for them, and give them the best chance ever to get what you see as important.
Now try your own. And, if you can’t work out how to use the tool, email us your challenge (firstname.lastname@example.org) and we’ll happily assist you!
I hope this tool gives you the strength to do amazing things!