If you have or have ever had a partner
you’ll know all about the ups and downs
a partnership can bring,
but do you know about
The ability to withstand
and understand Testing is crucial
to creating a strong relationship.
And it’s all to do with
the masculine and feminine energies
that exist in all of us.
MEN lean on masculine energy
and WOMEN rely more on feminine energy,
though it can be the opposite way around.
(And, we do all use both energies
so no matter the overall tendencies
it must flip if not regularly, at least occasionally!)
But for the sake of simplicity
we’ll consider it here in a static
and traditional form…
Men in the masculine energy
and Women in the feminine energy.
Testing is a woman’s way
of making sure her mate is a sure bet
and that he’s someone who’s up for the task
of looking after her through thick and thin.
It’s a checking mechanism
one that is unconsciously asking:
– Are you who you say you are?
– Will you come good on what you have promised?
– Have you got my back?
– Will you stay strong when I can’t?
– Will you stay strong for long enough so I can relax?
The mechanisms of testing
are many and varied.
But, at the end of the day,
they can all be summarised
as a form of emotional pushing.
When a woman gives a man a list of tasks,
when she criticises him,
when she gives unsolicited advice,
when she sways in her love,
when she threatens to leave,
she is unconsciously testing him.
Do you love me enough to deal with this?
Are you strong enough to take the feedback?
Can you find your own path,
even as I push and distract you.
It’s a tough gig for men.
There are no guides outlining
what tests his woman will give him,
nor any rules on exactly how to pass them!
Carrying the majority of the masculine energy
within a relationship
without any guidance on how to navigate this path
can be EXHAUSTING for both the masculine and feminine energies.
Especially if you’re both unaware of the concept.
It can assist the masculine energy
to rest in the knowledge
that when he has won the right of his woman’s trust
she will relax in her need to test him.
Her need to push and test him
is less about him and more about her need
to feel as safe as she would like to feel.
And it can assist the feminine energy
to relax in the knowledge that she can
short circuit her need to test, and
fast track his ability to stand and protect her,
by owning her fears and hurts verbally,
rather than pushing in the hope
of eventually strengthening her man.
David Deida’s book
‘The Way Of the Superior Man’
is a wonderful read that sets a vision
for those who would like to know
more about the masculine path.
It talks of the masculine energy
standing up to the raging feminine energy
getting clear on his vision
and holding his path
through the roughest of waters.
It’s a wonderful intro to the idea
of learning to stand strongly in one’s self.
And from there it’s all about
learning to do so for others
in a beautifully soft way
in order to bring more peace, calm and love
into all of our relationships.
And this is important
because when the masculine energy
in both males and females
can stand softly and strongly,
the feminine energy can relax in that space
and let go of the need to test.
Holding on to this idea and your own vision
of how that will look in your personal life
will assist you to navigate,
the somewhat windy road,
of creating a delightfully deep, harmonious
and connected relationships.
Nikk and Yolande
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